the fights not over...

hi, most of you dont care where ive been since my last post. quite frankly, i dont give a damn. i only open this blog just to release my inner thoughts. i dont care who reads them. well, lately a lot of shit happened to me. laptop got broken. twice. had a fight with everyone i love. all at the same time. tough break.

most people would ask why does this happen to me or what have i done wrong. well, i dont. i only say thats life. shit happens. i take it as a turmoil. every road has its bumps right. we just go through it and get it done. thats what i did. dont care about the outcome. the important thing is that we just went through it.

so you might ask what am i babbling about. i dont care. i just feel like it. dont wanna read, leave....

its been awhile...

its been awhile since my last post. ive been so busy with life that i couldnt even breathe. lately a lot of things have happened. but the most recent and heart wrenching is the passing of my grandmother.

about a month ago she had a heart attack. it lasted for quite awhile. but then who knew that one heart attack would be your last. the heart attack had caused my grandmother brain damage. the doctors said only time will tell how long she will be with us. on the 7th of october 2009, 6.55 a.m, she passed away. i was shocked and sad. my cousin picked me up from college and brought me home.

by the time i reached home everyone was there. then i saw my grandmother`s face for one last time. it was a sad day for everyone in my family. never had i cried so much in my life. i learned that our lives are only superficial. that it doesnt matter that much. but what matters, is what we do in our lives. to prepare ourselves to be invited by god. the deeds that we do, would place us in heaven or hell.

"life is about learning. learn everything from life and learn what you can from death."-amsyar-

and everyone thought i was dead..... better off dead anyway....

so, everybody thought i was dead. sounds fun. heheh. well recently i have been very busy, with tests, ASSignments, quizzes, projects, drama, so on and so forth. so i`ll give you the update

• became scriptwriter for drama
• became actor for drama
• became soundmixer
• propmaster
• fell in love....(again)
• trying hard to make girl in love
• did a lot of test.
• got below average result
• have to do a lot of notes
• got no money
• so now trying to steal some from people....

so thats what ive been doing and trying to do...
no thoughts....

Tadaima!!!!

2 weeks at UTP and im finally back. its good to be back. even for awhile. it reduces my stress for a bit.

how was utp? a living breathing hell. the weather is so hot, the moment i leave my room i was on fire. i came back home looking all tanned out. hopefully i wont turn extra crispy. the classes are great. i get to choose my own classes at my own time. i got the whole of friday free of classes. i love it.  i got an algerian calculus teacher. (yikes) he speaks with an accent and really smart. the rest were malaysians. i got some international students too. they are friendly. but they kinda like to stick with themselves. 

the campus is big. so big that i need at least a bicycle to go to classes. but im really hoping for a motorbike. heheh. all in all i like the place. my seniors are all great to hangout with. i think i made the right choice. all i need to do is study, study, study.

why bother having eyes if you dont use it to see? why bother having a heart if you dont know how to love?

i dreamed of a future that is darker than black..

i bought darker than black dvd the other day. i`ve searched for it everywhere.and finally i found it. so i had a marathin with it. haih.. i loved every minute of it. its a really fun anime to watch. i love its setting. reminds me of the best times i had in japan. i missed japan. i missed the cold weather there. its really calming and relaxing. especially in the morning. you can really see the vapour that comes out of your breath. haih2...

all in all, im leaving on sunday. i guess a new life is just about to begin. i dont know whether im gonna like it or not. we`ll see...

i hate orientation...

A Day Out With Sean Kingston....

my phone rang and my best bud called me up to meet him at pavilion. its been a long time since i last saw him. so i went up to meet him and we hung out. talked about what`s been goin on. what happened to others. basically, with him and me, the whole place became loud. the pavilion was so quiet. duh... people working. kids schooling. haha.. it was fun.

we watched angels and demons. very great movie. the theater was ours to claim. we made noise in the cinema. haha. really funny. then we headed out to sg wang and did some university shopping. bought some stuff. clothes. food. haha..

the reason i call him sean kingston is because he sang beautiful girls by SK in front of the whole school. he`s a big guy and quite dark. so it fits the description of the ori SK. thus the name stuck with him..

i had a good day. i went to kl. long time since i went there. brought back so many memories. haha

Time Passes By.....

time after time was a great song by cindy lauper. i once cried listening to it because the song reminded me about the past. the good and the bad. 

yesterday was a good day. i hung out with some friends at OU. as usual, i was always the earliest one to arrive. i arrived even before the shops were open. alone and wandering the halls of the mall. people were staring but i paid no attention. i was minding my own business waiting for the others to arrive. when they did, it turned out i was the only guy again hanging out with 6 girls. oy vey i said in my head. not again. so i had to listen to them talking and joined in some conversations. it was quite fun. funny. then a call came saying other guys would be joining in. 

what a relief. so i wouldnt be solo again this time. haha..

once everyone was together, we decided to go to the entertainment zone. ejat and fieqri played bowling. the girls were screamong their voices out in the karaoke room. imran and i played some pool and foosball. both of which I was the winner. (heheheh) then everyone`s stomach stared to grumble so everybody went down to eat. the thing is, we were hanging out at a&w`s for drinks. some of us bought burger king and sat at a&w. in my head, i was thinking,"i hope we dont get thrown out because of buying their competitors product (BK) instead of their own(A&W)". hahaha. luckily....

then we all together decided to try the batting cages on the rooftop. we splited up into 2 groups for whatever reasons. my particular group had a really interesting adventure. we got lost a lot. we went to the gardens on the rooftop. took the stairs and ended up in another karaoke joint. went back down and took another flight of stairs up to the roof. then we saw the batting cages. the problem was, we were at the wrong side of it. we were at the water tanks of the new wing of OU. sweating like crazy we went back down a searched for an elevator that leads straight to the batting cages. we found it and ended up standing in front of the air cond of the reception counter to cool of. then off towards the batting practice. i sucked totally at first. kept hitting my head with the bad when i missed. then imran gave some advice, i got 3 high ones. yas gave another hint and it worked pretty well too. hahaha...

after the batting everyone started to part company. it hitched a ride with alisa who was driving a merc. at first i thought we were riding in a merc kompressor. so i headed towards it. but then she said"not that one.this one". a black 1991 merc. i was like,"la i thought this one". the two mercs were beside each other. so it was my mistake. haha..

all in all, i had a good time. too bad no one would be around anymore. not all of us would even be in the same continent. everyone has their own paths to follow. some with close friends to follow. never alone. as for me, i`m always alone. the path i`m on is a lonely one. its going to be tough,but i believe i`m on the right path. alone is best. its always hard saying goodbye to someone special. but when you have no one, it wouldnt be hard right??

some people are meant to be together. some people are meant to be alone.

RAIN!!!!

it rained today for the first time in a month. it was raining heavily. when the first drop fell hard on the ground, i ran outside and jumped with glee. then came thunder and wind. i didnt care. i just stood there and let the rain wash myself. i was soaking wet. i felt so happy. all the good memories suddenly came up in relapse. for the first time in awhile, i was actually happy. all the recent set backs were nowhere to be found. i felt i found myself again. i thank god for the most precious gift he had given me. to all of us. the rain.....

Changes

i`m never good at changes. its really hard for me. especially when it involves with a person I cherished. recently i realize i cant linger towards the person if she doesnt care anymore. eventhough it hurts, i have to deal with it. by all means, i have to change. 

my problem is that i always hang on to the past. they somehow rather manage to resurface at times i really dont want them. i`ve always struggled with this situation all my life. sure there are good memories. but the bad ones are just too painful to be remembered. man, i can get depression. 

if you realize, sometimes i laugh a lot. by a lot, i mean really a lot. so i may seem happy at times. when actually im struggling inside. life is not all happiness. some deal with grief and despair. nothing`s perfect. i guess i have to change myself in someway to deal with it. 

it`s hard letting go. if she could, why cant i?

Kimi Wo Mamotte Kimi Wo Aishite

Love you, hajime atta no wa mushaberi no ame datta ne.

Love you, when we first met, it was raining silently

Kimi wa ame no naka de mou wakaru naiteita

You were standing there, and now I realize you were crying

Love you, sabishii kokoro wa kitsusou ugoki wa attatte

Love you, you were acting as if you were lonely and hurt

Boku wa kimi no ichi byou boku wo ki ni shiteiru yo

In one split second, I found myself enamored with you

Kimi ga namida wo nagasu kanashimi wa wakaru kara

I understand you were crying because you were sad

Boku wa soba ni itain da kimi no namida wo subete uketomeru 

I want to stay by your side so I can wipe every tear

Kimi no boku mamoru yo boku wa

I`ll protect you from now on

kimi wo kurushimeru subete wo koko kara

from everything that hurts you

rikai nani mo dekinai nandemo boku wa kamawanai

I may never understand why but I dont care

kanpeki ni wa dekinai keredo 

It may not be perfect

Demo zettai ni oshiawase ni suru yo

but I swear I`ll make you happy 

Boku wa chikau yo donna toki demo kimi wo mamoru kara 

I promise I`ll protect you forever and ever

a japanese song that really touched my heart.. i wish i had kept that promise..

Memories In The Rain

when the rain falls, it cleanses the land of its filth. all the dirt and dust washed away by its downfall. plants are given a new lease of life from the rain that be falls. 

recently, everything has been going down hill for me. i crashed my mom`s car, had a fight, broke someone`s heart and ended up getting hurt myself. but i always expected the bad things first before the good things. eventhough the bad times are always the worst ones, i always manage to pull myself together. i thank god for giving me the strength to do so. i always remember that there is always a brighter side in life. the sun always comes out after the storm. 

when you lose something or someone, you tend to reminisce about the things you`ve been through. you would miss the past. some would cry about it. but the past is the past. you cant turn back time to correct it. im not saying i dont have regrets. but i still feel the mark that was left. that`s what touches me the most. 

when the rain is over, the sun comes out. and light fills the earth once again....

That`s IT!!!!

if that`s the way you want it, then fine..
get out of my life and never come back

Why??

why must i feel this way?? why angry and hateful? emotions are very dangerous for me because it leads me to do irrational things. poor judgement. why????

i hate being what i am now. it`s all because of one incident. two actually. same thing happened twice. really angry. i just wanna shoot that person with the big mouth andput him out of his misery and send the bastard straight to hell...

(sorry..it happens when i lose control of my emotions.. toodles)

"P" Stands For Many Things

P- PISSED OFF

• i was pissed off with someone because that someone did something i really hate and that someone also promised not to do it again. some people you cant trust these days. 

P- P LICENSE

• i got my license!!! hahaha.. watch out bitches. im driving...

P- PRETTY MUCH HATING EVERYTHING THAT ANNOYS ME

• i used to be tolerent to small things that annoy me like noises, words, actions.. but now, any of these or anything that annoys me a little, tends to tick me off. so if im bitter or cruel or angry, you might wanna stay away or apologize if you feel something aint right..
• got that???

P is such a fun letter... 

18 and above...explicit content....

based on the title, you know its not good...

STUPID ASS MOTHERFUCKER. LEAVE ME ALONE!!!! GET OUT OFF MY HEAD.. EVERY FUCKING TIME I GET COMFORTABLE WITH MY LIFE YOU JUST HAD TO INTERFERE. YOU JUST HAD TO BE SUCH AN ANNOYING PRICK. I`D KILL YOU IF I HAD THE CHANCE. NOW I`D JUST HAVE TO DO DAMAGE CONTROL. THANX A LOT..

Here`s The Thing

here`s what pissing me off. people who cant accept who i am. DEAL WITH IT. people are different in their own way. if you cant accept that fact, then you`re no human being. you`re just an empty soul. 

i may be nice at times and i can be really cruel and bitter. if you can accept me being nice, why cant you accept me being cruel and bitter too? i am still the same person aren`t i? so here i say I AM A JERK. OKAY? IT`S JUST WHO I AM SOMETIMES. MAYBE I AM NOT RIGHT IN THE HEAD I DONT KNOW EITHER. BUT I AM STILL A HUMAN BEING AND I CAN STILL GET HURT BY WORDS. CALL ME A FREAK , A LOSER WHAT EVER. BUT IF SOME ONE GETS HURT I AM NOT THE ONE TO BE BLAME......

HAPPY NETWORKING ASSHOLE!!!

Shut Up And Drive

went driving today. 3 hours straight. it was fun. the instructor and me had lots of laughs. we started criticizing people, telling stories. then i had to drive on a very busy road. i was quite afraid at first. then he said to relax. dont worry be happy.so i drove the car following what he said. he said i was fine. good. but when i strated to hit the gas hard, he was scared. haha. it was funny. he`s a cool guy. we cursed a lot. haha. really funny.

later i went back home and then i drove my dad and brother to the mosque to settle some things. my dad says i drive like crazy. haha. my brother was scared behind the seat. the reason was i always drive at high speeds. even at corners. haha. i tend to do that. i like speed. the adrenaline rush thrills me.

later at night i went to the market and all of the sudden we had a blow out. my dad,bro and i had to changed the tire. it was really tiring. at first my dad didnt know what to do. luckily i remembered from the course i took before in driving school. so i manage to changed the tyre at the cost of my finger got cut badly and was bleeding all over. haha. first time i bled so much in many years. last time i bled so much was getting hit with a hammer. but that`s another story. anyways, the spare tyre was smaller than the old one. and i was like "what the hell?? its like a bicycle tyre." seriously. it was small. i thought we werent gonna make it. my dad, bro and i got in and put on our seat belts and sped the whole way. luckily it didnt come off..

haha...guess today is all about driving. it was fun. cant wait...

syaz bising kalo aku x buat

1. type of person you would settle down with?

fun, understanding, patient.

2. type of parent-in-law you're hoping for?

fun

3. when are you planning to settle down?

started working

4. how many kids do you plan to have?
3 or wat ever that works

5. what would you do if you partner is unable to give you off-spring?
adopt, or ask to marry another ??

6. what would you do if your marriage is in a bad situation?
try and save it as much as i can

7. what would you do if you're a divorcee?
either find another partner or become single until i die

8. what would you if the next morning you find out that your partner is dead?
cry,cry and cry again

yare2....

i dont know what`s goin on anymore. the world keeps spinnin around non stop. everything starts to go by so fast. it was just 2 weeks ago i got the news of getting an interview for tnb. today was it. it went by so fast. 

the interview was fun. it was my first interview. i thought it would be scary or exhilirating. but it was really fun. i met with some fascinating people. but all in all, it was such fun for me. i was able to speak in english very good and i also criticised reality tv. that was really fun. first time i got a lot of people hearing to what i have to say about reality tv. hahaha

sorry to those who love reality tv.. 

What happened??

these past few weeks had been very dull. first off, i was chased by a big dog. it was like a german shepard.i dont know what breed it was. but it was a big dog. it saw me and went straight at me. i ran off as fast as i could. the jaws of the dog was so close to my legs. i thought i was dead meat. but then i kept on running until the dog couldnt kept up with me. i was surprised i could outrun the dog. i guess two lrgs are better than four. heheh..

second, i was down with a fever. high fever. 40 degrees. i had the chills and my tonsils were infected. i felt so miserable. i couldnt eat or drink. i didnt even felt hungry. i was just feeling crappy. my skin went pale. my head hurts. food didnt even had a taste. it just tasted dull. took me about a week to feel better. although i was feeling better but i wasnt actually better. my throat still hurts. i couldnt drink or swallow anything solid. i only lived off soup. luckily my taste buds were normal by then. 

all i know, i`ll try not to get sick again and next time i`m going to the park, i`m drivin...

MY HAIR!!!!!!

argh!!!!

my hair is gone...damn school!!!!!

i hate this school!!!!!

i hate it!!!

i hate it!!!

i hate it!!!

i hate it!!!

i hate it!!!

i hate it!!!

i hate it!!!

i hate it!!!

i hate it!!!

i hate it!!!

i hate it!!!

i hate it!!!

i hate it!!!

I GOT PUNCHED!!!!

ever got punched in the face before?? right below the eye. that`s where i got punched. its a funny story. 

it was my mom`s idea to get my grandfather out of the house. to me it was a bad idea. i knew it was going to be hard to get him back in the house. i cut the story until the part where i tried to get him in. at first, we stopped the car in front of the house and tried to persuade him to come out. it failed obviously. so we had to hold him gently and guide him out of the car. but, the thing is, he resisted and he was strong. he went beserk for awhile. my mom and i are experts at his tantrums. we knew what he might do so we were quite prepared. 

so my mom and i tried to pull him into the gate, again he resisted. then it happened. he freed his hand and took a swing at me. right in the face. i cursed loudly in pain at first. my mom was laughing. then laughed as well. because i know it would meant nothing if i reacte badly. so i said to my mom to quickly push and i`ll pull him in. and we did. he was in the house relaxed on a comfy sofa. i went to the kitchen and drank cold root beer.

it was a funny moment. guess i`ll rememberit always. the day my grandfather punched me. haha

wanted or unwanted

ever feel like you`re nothing in the world. like you are an insignificant being among the people around you. invisible to their eyes. everything that you do in front of them meant nothing. 

i feel like that sometimes. but now i just feel it everyday. nobody cares. its not just among my friends. among my family as well. i seriously dont know why. i really cant help it. in the end i end being a bitter old sod. i feel alone at times. flying away in my own world. no one cares for a person like me. so i just drift away. waiting. for someone to catch me on my feet.  

A Blast From The Past

why is it so hard for someone to forget their past? the past is something that had happened and cant be altered anymore. but still why do we sometimes linger towards it? why do we go back? there are some nice things in the past. but when there are more bad than good, why bother looking?

i always have trouble with the past. they always come up at times i really didnt need them. its really troublesome. although they were nice memories. but really at the wrong time. there is a bright side in this. i could remember things i have done. makes me feel happy inside. eventhough i was bloody angry at the time. but still i`d appreciate if they would only come at the time i needed them the most. not when i was doing an exam or angry or trying to enjoy a quiet evening. sigh......

The Trick Is To Open Your Mind and Stop Assuming......

gossip this, gossip that. fun isnt it. yeah. gossiping is sure fun when you`re not the one being gossiped.

when i was in school, i was gossiped of being a bad guy. sounded cool at first. but then it had gotten worse. more bad things emerged. thus leading to fights. rumors and assumptions that were baseless. i was accused of shunning the low lifes in school. in short, i was best friends with the rich and forgetting the less lucky. things were not so easy. people kept looking at me as if i commited a sin so big that they didnt realise that all the times they masturbated was a sin. haha..

some funny things about gossip that i find interesting, is relationships. i find it really funny when people think when A is with B but B loves C and A is gay. (example). i mean although a guy has a girlfriend that doesnt mean he couldnt be best friends with another girl. but the human mind is undefined. when they see two people together they assume that they are together as a couple. i cant blame anyone on this because its just how it works. the human psyche is amazing. so everytime this happens to me,and it did recently,i always laugh. because it reminded of how it felt like to be the person that i used to assume a long time ago. in the end, i had to deny it. or else,things wouldve been bad.

plus, i wouldnt be alive to talk about it.....

Good Lord, I Look Like Sweeney Todd.......

ever seen sweeney todd? great movie. great songs. lots of blood and violence. its a tale of a man`s will to avenge the death of his wife and to punish those who framed him. sweebey todd is a barber. a very good one at that. he is a god with razor blades. he draws customers up to his shop, gives them a shave and then slice their throats. 

great movie. johnny depp. great actor. his hairdo. couldnt say great. much like mine`s. one morning i wake up and i look in the mirror, my mom said oh my god its sweeney todd. haha. what a laugh. but seriously, my hair was out of control. i look like sweeney todd. luckily i wasnt pale like him. although my eyes were blue every time.(less sleep)much like him. 

mom wanted me to get a haircut. too lazy to get one. dont know what`s right for my oversized head. better keep it lost in a forest..

hahaha

An Ear Infection....Perfect....

i got hit on the ear then i couldnt hear a thing. i thought i was deaf already. then it started to hurt. perfect. just when i thought things couldnt get worse. i went to the doc to check ut out. turns out i got an ear infection. i have to be on meds and i cant hear for a couple of days. great. im deaf in one ear and it really irritates me. temero...(japanese for crap)

I Hate Sundays....

Sundays. I hate sundays. Why? Because I am never calm on Sundays. I am always stressed up on Sundays. Always in trouble on Sundays. Always get mad on Sundays. I really dont know why. For some reason, Sunday is a very bad day for me. Every fucking time. It never goes smoothly on a Sunday. 

Only time I can really relax is on a Saturday. Calmer. Nobody to bother me. No one can disturb me. I am really at peace. Sadly the heat stroke is really taking its toll on me. So it bothers me on my Saturdays. Sigh...

Will I ever get peace and quiet??? I really wish I could escape all my problems. Then my life would be at peace...

Train, Sure...

I took the train to go to my aunt`s house in Batu Gajah. I had to send some stuff to my aunt. The deal was simple. I send the stuff. I get the money. I go home the next day. Only problem was, I was alone. I took the train alone. With no one to accompany me. I consider myself a loner at times. Maybe it fits with my character, I dont know. But it was quite fun taking the train. Its a shame about the view though. Not much to see behind the thick jungle. But what to do. I listened to the songs in my phone during the whole trip. Sigh...

All in all, it was fun riding the train. Though I wished there would be a better view next time....

Ice Cream???

I SCREAM FOR ICE CREAM!!!!!!

I am in a serious need for ice cream. I really want macademia nuts flavour. Considering the climate in Malaysia now is very hot. An ice cream would really do the trick. Why macademia nuts?? Its my favourite flavour. I really miss it. I need it.Someone please get me some!!!

Cells

It'll all click when the mortgage clears
All our fears will disappear
Now you go to bed
I'm staying here
I've got another level that I want to clear
My skin feels like orange peel
My eyes have been vacuum-sealed
My organs move like a squirm of eels
We should be more adventurous with our meals
They annoy me those who employ me
They could destroy me
They should enjoy me
We eat chinese off our knees
And look for each other in the TV screen

The sun goes up and the sun goes down
I drag myself into the town
All I do I want to do with you
Everyday I'm at my desk
At my desk I'm like the rest
All I do I want to do with you

On the city's skin they move on mass
Like a rash on the back of a manky cat
Now in I go like a fool
I can't resist dipping in the pool
I watch them watch me I watch them too
Across the street across the room
I dress myself like a charcoal sketch
My eyes are brown and my hair's a mess
They annoy me those who employ me
They could destroy me
They should enjoy me
We eat chinese off our knees
And look for each other in the TV screen

I`m So Bitter

Minutes
Turn into hours
And hours
Bleed into days
It's been years now
Since the trouble
You left me
And I wanna say

I'm so bitter
But I've seen
Better days
I'm so bitter
Is it
The better man
That always
Walks away

No phone call
Or even a letter
No words
To cause me any pain
It's been years now
Since anything
Could hurt me
And through this life
I think my way

I'm so bitter
But I've seen
Better days
I'm so bitter
Is it
The better man
That always
Walks away?
Watch me walk away

I'm so bitter
But I've seen
Better days
I'm so bitter
I'll be
The better man
Watch me walk away

Tagged..You`re Dead!!!hehehe

upload a favourite photo of yourself:

 



















give three reasons why you like that photo: 
1:it was fun 
2:it was night
3:it was really cool

when was the last time you eat pizza?

last month

what was the last song you listened to?
after dark-asian kung fu generation



what are you doing right now besides this?
watching bleach



what name you prefer besides yours?
urahara(heheheh)



five people to tag:
maleh

who is number one?
tinnie



number three is having a relationship with?
dont know dont care 


say something about number five: 
lazy bugger 

who is number two?

between number one and three...

hgahaha

Swimming Pool Filled With Water....

You know what I feel like doing now??? I  feel like drenching myself in a swimming pool and stay there for a long time. The thing is, I dont want to drown. I just wanna float in the water as though time stopped. Nothing would worry me. Away from tense situations going on in the world. No one could ever bother me. No one for me to care. No one could possibly disturb my peace of mind. It would be even nicer if the water is a bit cold. I like cold things. Maybe that`s why I am cold to people sometimes. Cold weather suits me the most. I once wore the thin clothing in a cold climate and did not shiver at all. All my friends were wearing thick coats. I was only wearing a long sleeved shirt and a thin sweater(which was not even wool). I did not shiver for one bit. I love the cold. Sigh...

The Thing About Surprises, is That I Hate Em...

Some people wait for a surprise. They wait for something to wow them. But a surprise can be a thing that upsets you. Like knowing you`re gonna get married and in the end surprisingly your future spouse doesnt love you anymore. Surprise isnt it??

That is whyI hate surprises. You might never know it will do you any good or bad in the end. I had bad experiences with surprises and none of them are to my liking. Which is why I came up with a conclusion to not expect anything from anyone. No expectations = no harm. Dont expect anything. That way if anyone suprises you badly, no harm can be done. 

Unfortunately, recently I let my guard down and got surprised. The result, I was moody the whole day. Hurting the one I love. And a very painful headache.  Then I  looked in a mirror and said "Stupid". What I saw wasnt my face. I saw a monster. I hated myself for what I am. A monster that should be locked in a cell. Away from others so it wont hurt other people. 

Now I am in a cell. Away from the people I love. So I wont hurt them again....

I got TAGGED...

1.What have you been doing recently?
Reading breaking dawn...

2.Do you ever turn your cell phone off?
yes..when ever i get a heart ache

3.What happened at 10am today?
in the car going to the hospital...

4.When did you last cry?
when i left japan

5.Believe in fate/destiny?
maybe

6.What do you want in your life now?
own life..

7.Do you carry an umbrella when it rains or just put up your hood?
hood

8.What's your favourite thing to do on the bed?
lie down and drop dead...heheh

9.What bottoms are you wearing now?
pants

10.What's the nicest things in your inbox?
love msgs..

11.Do you tend to make the relationship complicated?
sometimes..

12.Are you wearing anything borrowed from anyone?
nope

13.What was the last movie you caught?
underworld 3

14.What are you proud of?
nothing yet

15.What does the oldest text msg in your inbox say?
oh..bagus2...

16.What was the last song you sang out loud?
after dark=asian kung fu generation

17.Do you have any nicknames?
tunnie

18.What does the newest text say?
secret

19.What time did you go to bed last night?
1 am

20.Are you currently happy?
so-so

21.Who gives you the best advise?
mom

22.Do you eat whipped cream straight from the can?
yup

23.Who did you talk on the phone last night?
my luvly

24.Is something bugging you now?
a lot u cant imagine

25.Who was the last person to make you laugh?
my luvly

A Brunes Day Out

It was a a fine day to go out with my friends from school. It`s been awhile since I`ve seen them. One was drafted into PLKN so a lot has changed. All 4 of us gathered in front of McD in Mid Valley. I couldn`t find them at first. There were so many people there. Way too crowded. I hate crowded places. Too noisy. I have sensitive ears. Then I saw Faez`s tall bald head. He was a tall cat. 5`8. So I spotted him immediately.

Nine and Nish were already with him. Both of them were the same as I last saw them. Faez was the most different. Black and bald. What do you expect from a PLKN trainee?? Then I gave them their souvenirs I bought from Japan. Then we headed to McD and had some snacks. We talked about how life is now and mostly I teased Faez for his appearance. That`s me. Always the loud one. The one who always say mean things sometimes. My mom calls me House because I somewhat resembled his attitude.

Then we went in for the movie. We sat at the highest seat in the theater. We were also the ones making so much noise. It was a good thing we didn`t have popcorn. If we did, we would have thrown them around to people sat in front. The movie was so boring. Underworld 3 was not as I expected to be.

After the movie, we followed Faez to find a gift for his to-be girlfriend. I felt so weird because the store was full of girls. Really weird. When we found the gift, it was time to depart. I didn`t go home, because I had to run to the hospital to see my grandfather. It was fun day for me. 3 of my closest friends together. Lots of memories together. GOOD TimES

College Pressure

It`s every mother`s dream to see their children go to college and succeed. Especially their eldest. I always dreamed of going to college. Now that road is upon me and there are so many choices to take. I would love to take them all. But I can only handle one at a time. My dilemma now is choice. Whether I should follow what I want or to follow what my father wants.

You see, my father wants me to take a course which can make me be the boss later. He would want me to be a specialist doctor so I can be my own boss. The thing is I thing is I hate biology. So why would I take up something I hate as my future career? My mom tells me do what you want to do. I agree with my mom. Still my dad has his way in trying to persuade me to become a doctor. Which really ticks me off. Who cares. I want to do what I want which is to study engineering. You want a doctor in the family, go ahead and be a doctor yourself. That`s what I kept saying in my head every time he tries to persuade me.

I still thinking of what course to take besides engineering. Maybe actuarial science or something like that. But I have my sights on electronic engineering. But still, I am not sure what so ever. I have to get a scholarship to help my financing. I am flat broke. We just have to see what happens.

Friends In The Psycho Ward

Recently, my grandfather was admitted into the psycho ward in HUKM for observation. He has something that`s called vascular dementia. It`s almost like Alzheimer`s disease. So he forgets things. He doesn`t remember me. Sometimes he throws tantrums for no apparent reason. That`s why they had to admit him.

The first step I took into the ward, I was a bit afraid. What else can you think about a psycho ward? A ward full of psychos. I was like paranoid when I entered. Looking at their faces. It really was scary. Maybe it was because I was wearing shades. I don`t know. There were people screaming and shouting. This one guy who I call TAIKO was a patient from Tanjung Rambutan. I called him Taiko because he was the only one who was wearing jeans and was giving orders to other patients.

Anyway, at first I was scared of them. They looked like dimwitted people whose heads are empty. But soon after, I got to know a little a bit about them and found out some interesting things.

• One patient was under influence of ICE. So he is always quiet at times except in the evenings. In the evenings, he will always sing for no apparent reason.
• One chinese patient was in the ward for something(I don`t know. I was afraid to ask) he did that was against the law. The thing is, he let his friends get away with it but he stayed behind for no apparent reason.
  
• One patient was in for depression. But I noticed that he kept smiling for no reason. One time, he hid under his sheets and masturbated. I was like,"uh,ok"weird bugger

I made friends with the Taiko who was a lot of fun. Lots of funny stories. The chinese patient also became my friend. He was also very funny. But there was one patient who was bipolar. That guy has some problems. He tried to escape then the Medical Assistant aprehanded him and restrained him to his bed. I was worried he would attack people for no reason. He also managed to piss off Taiko. He hit the bipolar with a ping pong bat. Oh yeah, did I mention these psychos were good at ping pong?(HAHA)

So basically it was fun hangin around in the psycho ward. But I surely don`t want to be there for a long time. ehhehh..