a year over..

its been almost a year since i entered uni life. a lot of things have changed. new friends. old friends become new enemies. one thing just happens after another. the thing is mine was not the hardest. someone that i truly care about had the worst. and i feel very sorry for her. that is the only thing i can do. its not in my power to resolve the matter as well as to get in on the action. i guess its not that things have changed. its people who's changing towards other people or stuff. my only problem with it is my fixation on wanting to know why. why all of the sudden you treat people like crap when you were friends to begin with? i dont care if you hate me. all i care is that you dont hurt the ones i love. they are all i have. once you do, i will become the worst enemy you'll have.

been a long time

its been a long time since i posted a blog. maybe i was so caught up in my work.and i feel that i need to release some mind juice into writing.

writing. thats a funny word. literature. maybe the right words. because writing is actually used for pens and papers. this is typing. not writing.and he stuff i type is actually the contents of the mind and heart. an expression of feelings and inner thoughts. no matter how insignificant, the things i put in the blog is actually my way of expressoing my feelings and thoughts. my therapist says that i have to much emotions and are piling up.you need to have an outlet of these emotions by any means. writing for example. or blogging as you might say.

then i joined silat. another way to let go of my emotions. hehe. when the guy says take it easy then i stopped being so hard on my sparring partner. it was quite fun. maybe i enjoy hurting people. that is why i consider myself dangerous. i can easily hurt people around me with my words and actions. words are the most lethal. i was able to make a guy cry.not physically. mentality is worse than physically.

anyway, being the one who brings misery and suffering to people is what made me into quite the loner. but arent we all alone. the difference is how alone we are. some people have others to help them in time of need. i dont. i have to learn how to pick myself up from falling. i think this is why i consider myself a misanthrope. though i might never know.

im such a effing weird individual. but that is how God made me. who am i to question that. maybe i have a purpose. if i dont, why am i here??

hey..

its been really long time since i post any. maybe its because i never had something worth to write about. but now i just feel like i need to write something. life as a student is really hard. i mean i had a ton of work. actually tomorrow is my finals and now im writing a blog post. i sometimes cant study because i just dont feel like it. but i am grateful because with this carefree attitude i was able to obtain good results. although im not sure about this sem. its been a hard time throughout this sem. been slacking around. for the first time im afraid. ive never been afraid before. its something new to me. scares me..

the fights not over...

hi, most of you dont care where ive been since my last post. quite frankly, i dont give a damn. i only open this blog just to release my inner thoughts. i dont care who reads them. well, lately a lot of shit happened to me. laptop got broken. twice. had a fight with everyone i love. all at the same time. tough break.

most people would ask why does this happen to me or what have i done wrong. well, i dont. i only say thats life. shit happens. i take it as a turmoil. every road has its bumps right. we just go through it and get it done. thats what i did. dont care about the outcome. the important thing is that we just went through it.

so you might ask what am i babbling about. i dont care. i just feel like it. dont wanna read, leave....

its been awhile...

its been awhile since my last post. ive been so busy with life that i couldnt even breathe. lately a lot of things have happened. but the most recent and heart wrenching is the passing of my grandmother.

about a month ago she had a heart attack. it lasted for quite awhile. but then who knew that one heart attack would be your last. the heart attack had caused my grandmother brain damage. the doctors said only time will tell how long she will be with us. on the 7th of october 2009, 6.55 a.m, she passed away. i was shocked and sad. my cousin picked me up from college and brought me home.

by the time i reached home everyone was there. then i saw my grandmother`s face for one last time. it was a sad day for everyone in my family. never had i cried so much in my life. i learned that our lives are only superficial. that it doesnt matter that much. but what matters, is what we do in our lives. to prepare ourselves to be invited by god. the deeds that we do, would place us in heaven or hell.

"life is about learning. learn everything from life and learn what you can from death."-amsyar-

and everyone thought i was dead..... better off dead anyway....

so, everybody thought i was dead. sounds fun. heheh. well recently i have been very busy, with tests, ASSignments, quizzes, projects, drama, so on and so forth. so i`ll give you the update

• became scriptwriter for drama
• became actor for drama
• became soundmixer
• propmaster
• fell in love....(again)
• trying hard to make girl in love
• did a lot of test.
• got below average result
• have to do a lot of notes
• got no money
• so now trying to steal some from people....

so thats what ive been doing and trying to do...
no thoughts....

Tadaima!!!!

2 weeks at UTP and im finally back. its good to be back. even for awhile. it reduces my stress for a bit.

how was utp? a living breathing hell. the weather is so hot, the moment i leave my room i was on fire. i came back home looking all tanned out. hopefully i wont turn extra crispy. the classes are great. i get to choose my own classes at my own time. i got the whole of friday free of classes. i love it.  i got an algerian calculus teacher. (yikes) he speaks with an accent and really smart. the rest were malaysians. i got some international students too. they are friendly. but they kinda like to stick with themselves. 

the campus is big. so big that i need at least a bicycle to go to classes. but im really hoping for a motorbike. heheh. all in all i like the place. my seniors are all great to hangout with. i think i made the right choice. all i need to do is study, study, study.

why bother having eyes if you dont use it to see? why bother having a heart if you dont know how to love?