been a long time

its been a long time since i posted a blog. maybe i was so caught up in my work.and i feel that i need to release some mind juice into writing.

writing. thats a funny word. literature. maybe the right words. because writing is actually used for pens and papers. this is typing. not writing.and he stuff i type is actually the contents of the mind and heart. an expression of feelings and inner thoughts. no matter how insignificant, the things i put in the blog is actually my way of expressoing my feelings and thoughts. my therapist says that i have to much emotions and are piling up.you need to have an outlet of these emotions by any means. writing for example. or blogging as you might say.

then i joined silat. another way to let go of my emotions. hehe. when the guy says take it easy then i stopped being so hard on my sparring partner. it was quite fun. maybe i enjoy hurting people. that is why i consider myself dangerous. i can easily hurt people around me with my words and actions. words are the most lethal. i was able to make a guy cry.not physically. mentality is worse than physically.

anyway, being the one who brings misery and suffering to people is what made me into quite the loner. but arent we all alone. the difference is how alone we are. some people have others to help them in time of need. i dont. i have to learn how to pick myself up from falling. i think this is why i consider myself a misanthrope. though i might never know.

im such a effing weird individual. but that is how God made me. who am i to question that. maybe i have a purpose. if i dont, why am i here??