a year over..

its been almost a year since i entered uni life. a lot of things have changed. new friends. old friends become new enemies. one thing just happens after another. the thing is mine was not the hardest. someone that i truly care about had the worst. and i feel very sorry for her. that is the only thing i can do. its not in my power to resolve the matter as well as to get in on the action. i guess its not that things have changed. its people who's changing towards other people or stuff. my only problem with it is my fixation on wanting to know why. why all of the sudden you treat people like crap when you were friends to begin with? i dont care if you hate me. all i care is that you dont hurt the ones i love. they are all i have. once you do, i will become the worst enemy you'll have.

been a long time

its been a long time since i posted a blog. maybe i was so caught up in my work.and i feel that i need to release some mind juice into writing.

writing. thats a funny word. literature. maybe the right words. because writing is actually used for pens and papers. this is typing. not writing.and he stuff i type is actually the contents of the mind and heart. an expression of feelings and inner thoughts. no matter how insignificant, the things i put in the blog is actually my way of expressoing my feelings and thoughts. my therapist says that i have to much emotions and are piling up.you need to have an outlet of these emotions by any means. writing for example. or blogging as you might say.

then i joined silat. another way to let go of my emotions. hehe. when the guy says take it easy then i stopped being so hard on my sparring partner. it was quite fun. maybe i enjoy hurting people. that is why i consider myself dangerous. i can easily hurt people around me with my words and actions. words are the most lethal. i was able to make a guy cry.not physically. mentality is worse than physically.

anyway, being the one who brings misery and suffering to people is what made me into quite the loner. but arent we all alone. the difference is how alone we are. some people have others to help them in time of need. i dont. i have to learn how to pick myself up from falling. i think this is why i consider myself a misanthrope. though i might never know.

im such a effing weird individual. but that is how God made me. who am i to question that. maybe i have a purpose. if i dont, why am i here??

hey..

its been really long time since i post any. maybe its because i never had something worth to write about. but now i just feel like i need to write something. life as a student is really hard. i mean i had a ton of work. actually tomorrow is my finals and now im writing a blog post. i sometimes cant study because i just dont feel like it. but i am grateful because with this carefree attitude i was able to obtain good results. although im not sure about this sem. its been a hard time throughout this sem. been slacking around. for the first time im afraid. ive never been afraid before. its something new to me. scares me..